The side effects of cancer drugs are as numerous as the many different types of cancer.

 The side effects of cancer drugs are as numerous as the many different types of cancer. Some of the side effects of these cancer drugs run the gammut  from being relatively benign to "life threatening". If you have not already had a conversation with your oncologist about every drug you are taking, I strongly suggest you do. Ask about both the short term as well as long term side effects.

The often heard statement " it wasn't the cancer that killed, it was the chemotherapy" is not uncommon or without foundation. Often, it is not only the side effects of the chemo medicine, but the other medicines to counter balance the chemo medication, that not only can throw your body "out of whack", but can have long term devistating and life threatening side effects.

I am fortunate to be treated at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world and I trust my team of doctors implicitly. If they say "do this" or "take this", I do.  However, I do ask what are both the short term side effects of each and every drug. Never do anything blindly.

I know I am a patient first and foremost to my doctors, but I am not foolish enough not to realize that I am also a "case study". During one of my consultations my oncologist mentioned gleefully that one of the doctors was considering writing a paper based on the positive results I experienced with a certain chemo drug. Not that I mind the fact my oncologist was considering writing a paper based on his findings, but it is one thing being a ginuea pig and being reminded that you are a ginuea pig. I understand that each morsel of data collected helps my doctors help me as well as those that are yet to be diagnosed . There is, however, something disquieting in being a piece of data in a bigger puzzle. If that seems selfish- so be it, if there ever was a time for me to be selfish it is now.

Anyone undergoing treatment for cancer understands the "cocktail" of drugs that are used to combat the disease. It is not that I am hesitant to tell my oncologist about a new symptom, a new side effect, a new pain, I do believe in full disclosure but I do worry he will say "oh we have a drug for that" and it will just add to the ever increasing list of drugs I am currently taking. Mind you, I always tell him of everything that is going on, but often with a certain degree of trepidation.

Before writing this piece I did a very specific Google search on "side effects of cancer related drugs". The number of "hits" was 1,240 . You make be think well "that number isn't that big", and perhaps it isn't,  until you become a cancer patient- then it seems enormous.

I will often wake up in the morning with an ache or a pain, often in the weirdest part of my body If it happens once and only lasts a matter of minutes or hours I don't give it a second thought, if the pain reoccurs and or becomes chronic I begin to question it.

My current "cocktail" of drugs is nine drugs per day, every day -and counting. Only one of them is an actual chemo drug, three of them I was on previous to being diagnosed, but the other five are all new and are designed to battle the ever increasing side effects of my treatment.

Knowing that the cancer and the cocktail of drugs is causing me to be less of a man than I was a year ago is disquieting.  Knowing that I will be even less of my former self in 6 months is more disquieting.

Only those who have been sat down and told "you have cancer" can fully appreciate the devastation and turmoil, the total and utter disruption of one's life that such news brings.

 For those indirectly touched by cancer,  the emotions can be devastating as well, but to fully understand the full impact of those words, one has to be the actual patient. This is not meant to minimize the impact on those once or twice removed from the disease. Before I was diagnosed myself, I knew a handful of people, both diagnosed with cancer and those that succumbed to the disease, but nothing prepared me for my own diagnosis and prognosis.

 To wake up every morning knowing there is this "thing" in your body that is slowly but surely eating away at your very existence is truly frightening. The thought never really ever leaves you. Keeping busy, getting on with your life as best you can, allows you to get a temporary respite, but it is the quiet moments when you are alone and you reflect on your life... the good things, but more importantly the missteps. Before I became ill, I would from time to time reflect how my life might be different if only I had " done this and not that".... if only "I had not done that".... the proverbial path not taken. Now those thoughts are all consuming.

 For those of you who are reading this across the world, those directly afflicted with the disease my heart aches for you. I know how you feel and I know you know how I feel. Never before have I ever felt such a connection to complete strangers, people reading this both young and old, from all walks of life, all with one communality- the misfortune of being diagnosed with cancer. This blog truly is for you.

When I first started to write my blog I did so, partly as therapy, in part to keep busy and, in part, with the hopes of eventually commercializing my blog. As I wrote and my readership grew and grew and spread across the globe, each posting seems to bring a reader or sets of readers from a different part of the world- and my reason for writing has changed. Now whether I ever make any money from my blog is of no consequence, my sole motivation is to lend comfort and support to those afflicted with cancer, especially to those whose coping mechanisms are not a finely developed as mine. It is for those that truly need this the most, it is for those that I truly write, it is to those that my heart truly goes out.

 The fact that 99.9% of the feedback I get is positive is very rewarding. Those who know me best, myself included, for me to get a 99.9% approval rating in anything is a miracle in itself.

 To my oldest and dearest friends, the one's that continually check up on me, to make sure I am "ok".... it is you who provide me my strength, my ability to cope. You are never far from my thoughts and I will forever be thankful for your friendship and continued support.

To that one very special woman who recently entered my life, the one who gives me support and encouragement each and every day- you mean the world to me. No words will ever show just how much you mean to me. I love you.

 Gilda's Club- Cancer Support Group

Many afflicted with cancer become overwhelmed by the disease and need support, help, and guidance in dealing with the array of emotions they encounter. This is true whether you yourself have cancer, or a loved one does, or if you are a caretaker for one with cancer. For some, the need for help may be short lived, while others may require more extensive, more comprehensive help. There is no shame in admitting  " I need help"; we all need "help" at one point or another in our lives.

For those afflicted with cancer there is the most wonderful cancer support group called Gilda's Club. Look under the resource guide for the link to Gilda's Club. If you are reading this and questioning yourself “do I really need help?", the answer is probably yes. Click on the link, pick up the phone and call them.

Gilda’s Club is named after actress/comedienne Gilda Ratner of Saturday Night Live fame, who died of ovarian cancer. Gilda's Club was founded by her then husband, the late Gene Wilder. There are many cancer support groups, but this one, in my opinion, is the best.  In addition to the support groups, which are not only for patients with cancer, but also for those caring for those with cancer, a group for family members who share in the disease, and a separate bereavement group, for those who lost someone to cancer.

In addition to the cancer support groups, Gilda's Club offers a wide array  of classes and activities, everything from yoga to art therapy, special comedy nights, and much, much more. Their calendar is full, with events offered virtually each day or evening (see their calendar for monthly events).

Gilda's Club Is headquartered in New York City, with offices and chapters throughout the country. Gilda's Club is listed to the right of the screen under the resource guide section- for more information click on the link to find the closest Gilda's Club nearest you. Call them, it will be the best phone call you ever made.

Within two weeks of my diagnosis, I started to attend Gilda's Club. I knew I was not going to be able to cope on my own. I knew that it would take more than I was able to muster internally to get through my issues- it would take a "village", and a very large village at that.

Each group is small, with no group consisting of more than 15 people.  Most of the groups are much smaller; my group had between 8-10 people attending any one session. It truly is an oasis for those diagnosed with cancer. I actively attended group for 13 months, and I am still a member- just not an active one.

Due to the nature of the disease, people often don't attend if they have had a chemo or radiation therapy session that day, were tired, etc.  In order to attend a group, Gilda’s Club’s only requirement is that you make a commitment to attend 12 consecutive sessions. This is so that there is continuity within the group; that time is spent wisely on dealing with group issues; and that the group does not have a revolving door.

Each group has a facilitator, a licensed therapist/counselor. My counselor was a wonderful woman by the name of Bridgette.  Bridgette's approach was unique; a facilitator of sorts, she allowed and encouraged each member to share, allowing each person who wanted to speak adequate time; and was at no time overbearing. She allowed conversations to flow freely, always ensuring that conversations  never got off track. I do and will forever remember her with great fondness. For me Gilda's Club was exactly what I needed when I needed it the most. I am -- and forever will be-- beholding to them.

I started attending meetings in Feburary 2010 and was active in the group until April 2011. I believe all therapy should have a start date and end date, and that one should attend for a specific purpose, fulfill that purpose, and move on.  For some this takes more or less time; but I say to you -- never lose track of the desired end result-- to get better --if not physically, emotionally.

The Top 10 Things Not to Say To Cancer Patients:


The below is not my original writing, rather something I found on the web. Some of them are pee in your pants funny and I thought really worth sharing. The comments below each of the 10 are written by a therapist of unknown origin

1) My uncle Joe  had that cancer and he made it for 3 years. He's a real fighter.

As opposed to me, thought my friend when she heard this one. I must be a real surrender. Implying that surviving cancer is only a matter of  "fight" and will power actually somehow puts the blame for doing poorly squarely in her lap. Needless to say, this is a poor choice.

2) Is it that bad?

A patient's personal favorite. She loves to respond, "The Worst. The absolute worst". When faced with the diagnosis, people tend to feel it's "bad"-- they are not playing games of "relatively speaking". Let them come to terms with it's gravity without pushing your ignorance to the forefront.

3)It'll all be just fine. It's all going to work out just fine, you'll see.

You have no ability to make this situation "just fine" and both you and your friend know it. Promising him there will be no problems is not only patently absurd-- it is crazy making.

4) The Unfairness of Life Approach: Man, life is so unfair.

This statement is not only not helpful and supportive-- it may not even be true in your friend's worldview. It has nothing to offer-- no comfort, profundity, no valid or dignified response, ( should we be thinking, "yes, if it was fair, "x" would have gotten it"). Skip it completely.

5) The Lance Armstrong  Approach:
Look at all the people who have survived cancer. Hey- look at Lance Armstrong alone.

I have a handful of patients who are almost ready to murder dear Lance for his recovery and comeback. It's made their lives miserable. Accept that both Armstrong himself and his cancer are different from your friend and hers-- and don't play a game of comparing her to the best known cancer survivor.

6) Totally Oblivious

Oh no. My friend's father had that treatment and they think it was the treatment that killed him, not the cancer.

What can I say about this one? Your friend will already be filled with fear and dread about her treatments. Might I suggest that a comment such as this is well, somewhat less than helpful?

7) The All Knowing Approach- I know exactly how you feel.

Nothing could be further from the truth.  Unless you yourself have undergone the same process, you know so very little about what your friend is dealing with right now, a comment such as this is patronizing, wrong, and can leave your friend feeling more alone and afraid than before.

8) The Death Sentence: Oh God. My mother died of that.

People probably blurt out things such as this because they haven't thought it through, but it shouldn't take me, or any expert to make it that this is not a helpful statement. It makes the top 10 list with ease.

9) The God Factor: God only tests people He loves.

Best to lose this one altogether. Your  friend may not buy into this belief at all- - in fact, she may not be buying into the God thing right now, and that is her prerogative. Don't make her take a role in some theological demonstration; let her come to her own terms with God in her life.

10) Unsolicited advice: You really need to see Dr. X...try a macrobiotic diet... Try healing touch... find a support group... read this book about...

You really need to restrain yourself from offering unsolicited advice, something your friend is being deluged by. You may ask if she would like to hear about the latest research on hypnosis if she shows an interest. The best you can do is support her in the decisions she herself chooses.

Personal observation:

If you have lost the ability to laugh, especially at yourself and your misfortune you may as well be dead already.

To my good friend who used one of the above on me- I promise you I was not offended, your heart is and was in the right place. I will forever be thankful that we are friends.

I promise an original post next week.