Grieving:

The grieving process does not necessarily begin at the time of death but very often at the time of diagnosis. The realization that one may or will lose a loved one takes a toll on all involved.

It is important to realize that everyone grieves in different ways.  There is no right way, or wrong way, just different ways. Some choose to ignore the inevitable, some embrace the opportunity to share and be supportive and others may seem indifferent. Over the last month I know three people who have lost loved ones to cancer. How each one reacted was very different, and how their extended families have reacted was even more different. Losing a loved is probably the most stressful time in a person's life. It is critically important for those left behind to find a common ground and a way for them, as family or close friends, to unite or to reunite.

The larger the family, the more personalities involved and the more complex the issues become. Whether you are the youngest in the family or the eldest, the relationship you had with the deceased all impact the feelings once the person is gone and effect the emotions between the remaining loved ones.

If there ever was a time for a family to unite or to find a way of uniting it is after the diagnosis, prognosis, or death of the person. If there ever was a time to rejoice and to reminisce over the past, it is between the time of diagnosis and death. Over the last two years I have spoken with many afflicted with cancer and the singular common theme is the guilt they feel in leaving their loved ones, the effect death will have on those left behind. The "patient" has enough to deal with, the possibility of death, the certainty of death, the pain, the nausea, the loss of dignity, etc., that the last thing they need is the added anxiety and stress knowing that their demise will cause a rift within the family.

It is just as important, if not more important, for the one afflicted with cancer to respect and find a means of navigating the feelings of the family members. The remaining family members are the ones that have to pick up the pieces of their lives and move on. When family members are diametrically opposed to your wishes, or to each others wishes, it becomes even more difficult. There are no right or wrong ways of handling the issues but it is important to make your best effort.

I realize my last post was not very uplifting and inspiring, for that I apologize. It was honest. For those of you who commented on my lack of inspiration, I apologize.